Friday, July 10, 2009

Live Blogging the Daily Dollar

Perhaps a submission in the humor category?

5:00pm Well, I finally got home early enough to sign up. Registered and ready. Now it's time to get some snacks, a cool beverage and get comfortable. The kids aren't home yet, so it's nice and peaceful. I begin with my normal ritual of quiet meditation while surfing porn looking at pictures of butterflies.

5:15pm The tournament begins without me, which is fine. I'm sort of a PokerBrat that way. Without the high-rent models and Caesar costume, of course. I still have the ego, though.

5:16pm Check the hand history to see what I missed. AA on the second hand, dammit. Probably would have lost anyway. Shit, it would have been Aces full on the turn. Dammit dammit dammit.

5:18pm Ok, back to my happy place. Think of the butterflies.

5:31pm I've folded every hand for two rounds. Why wasn't I here for those Aces?!

5:45pm I have a hand! As-5s. I raise 3x and get 5 callers. FIVE friggin' callers, dammit! Flop is 6d-7d-8c. I'm good enough to fold the idiot end of the straight when there is a flush draw out there.

5:46pm Wrong. I called a smallish bet only to get raised by the button and re-raised all-in by the BB. Why did I flush away 200 chips on this damn hand?

5:47pm Winner? K-7 off-suit. Butterflies...

6:00pm "We're home, Daddy!" It's the kids.

Dr. Chako: Give me quick hugs. Daddy's... working.

Son #1: No you're not. You're playing poker online again.

Son #2: Yeah, Dad. That's not work.

Dr. Chako: Hush! I have to do this to win a bet.

Son #1: Did you just call a bet with a 7 and a 9? That's not a very good hand, you know...

Dr. Chako: Go watch Sponge Bob!

Son #2: This is for play money, right Daddy?

Dr. Chako: . . . yes.

Son #2: You sure get excited about play money.

Dr. Chako: Did I not tell you to go watch TV?

Son #1: This is better.

6:15pm It's after the 1st break and I'm a little above average. The kids have grown bored of watching Daddy fold a lot and have drifted away. I pick up AK twice and win both times when I bet the pot on the flop. Both times with air. What are these morons calling with?

6:35pm 10-10 in late position. 4 limpers in front and I raise pot. Every damn one of these lemurs calls. Flop? A K Q. Buh-by 10s.

6:45pm I call a LAG raise with AQ. Flop is Q-J-x. I start to drool.

Son #2: Daddy, can I have a juice bag?

Dr. Chako (not looking away from monitor): Sure kid. Whatever.

Son #1: Dad, can my buddy sleep over tonight.

Dr. Chako: Sure, whatev... Wait. What? Sleepover?

At this point, I turn away from the monitor to look at son #1.

Dr. Chako: It's probably okay, but you kids...

BING! It's my turn to act

He checked. I check behind without thinking much about it

Dr. Chako (turning back to son #1): you kids better not be banging around all night and keeping me up. I have to ...


Dr. Chako: He pushed? Pushed?! What? Um... I think... Wait, who bet the flop?

Son #1: Thanks Dad!

Dr. Chako: Thanks? Huh? Wait! Son! Um.. I call. He has Q-2. There's a 2 on the turn. FUCK!

Son #2: Daddy?

Dr. Chako: Go away! Don't repeat that!

Son #2: Repeat what, Daddy?

Dr. Chako: Nevermind. Just... go back and watch TV.

Son #2 (walking away): Did you hear what Daddy said? He sure gets excited about play money.

Yeah, next time I'm just gonna wait until they're asleep.


  1. lol - that was great doc.

    I can't tell you the number of times that's happened to me. I don't even bother playing when my wife + kid are awake. For a while, I was putting my daughter to bed, pop into a tourney and 5 minutes into it she'd be wandering around the apt again.I finally started putting her to bed and camping out with my laptop in her room till she was really asleep.

  2. I find that I end up cashing almost every time I have the two-year old daughter sleeping on me on the couch.

    Doesn't work well for MTT's, though.